(Inhale)
Tears begin to flood my face like a cup left under a running faucet well after the water has reached the rim,
My heart leaping to my throat,
Getting caught,
Squeezing,
Twisting,
Tearing.
My throat contracting around the emotions the threaten
To leap up and out of my lips,
My stomach
Rumbling,
Wrestling,
Knotting.
My hands quiver as I reach up to bolt the tiny teardrops,
Leaving footprints down my cheeks.
The path that awaits me,
Suddenly seems like a pilgrimage,
One foot,
Next foot,
Step,
Step,
I see you.
(I see her)
You smile.
I smile.
(She leaves)
You ask how I am.
(I lie)
I reply that I’m fine.
(Even though my heart has just crept up into my mouth and is jumping up and down on my tongue like an Olympic diver waiting to hit the water).
I want to say that I miss you,
Let you know every moment I’m awake I think of you.
I want you to know that I miss your arms,
Your smile,
Your lips.
I want you to know that, (I’m incomplete)
My body hurts,
My soul bleeds.
I ask how you are (hoping against all hopes that you’ll tell me what I want to hear).
You reply, (your answer not including that you miss me, my arms, my lips, my touch).
My eyes attempt to strip you down to your soul
(Searching for what I once knew so well).
They get lost (but find their way back to reality when they gaze over the (ever-fading) hickey, just above the collar of the shirt she gave you).
My heart leaps off the end of my tongue,
Wanting you to see the way you’ve hurt me,
Wanting you to hurt the same way,
It falls to the ground.
(She calls you)
You hesitantly say good-bye. (As you trot over to her)
Stomping,
Squishing,
Mutilating,
My vulnerable, fallen heart. (Not even pausing long enough to scrape it off the bottom of your shoe, like a discarded piece of gum)
She wraps her arms around your neck,
Brings her lips to yours…(Your ears still turn red)
People pass, as if I don’t even exist.)I want to cry, scream, shout).
I want someone to find my heart,
Bring it back,
Piece it together.
I turn away,
Hoping that one day it won’t hurt (as much)
And hoping that I will again be able to call you
And have you come over to me,
Be able to buy you shirts that match your eyes
(and leave the tell-tale hickey just above the collar)
And will still be able to make your lips turn red from the friction of your lips.
I walk away,
Knowing my heart will not follow.
(Exhale).
